2nd time around

i know this is the 2nd time around for me and oddly it is quite different from the first. not just physically but emotionally i feel very different. i don't know if the physical part is different becuase it is not the same sex, i don't get to rest as much with a toddler in the house, or simply due to the fact that my uterus has been used before. I'm tired all the time especially since the mini dictator likes to wake up in the middle of the night and either come to my bed himself or cry out for me to get him. He did sleep the entire night in his bed on saturday night though. He woke up at 6am and came to get me. we ended up watching tv in bed for a bit before i went to the living room with him. 6am is a good time for him. I hate when he gets up at 5am and wants to play or just whines until i make him get up and start the day. He's also teething again so he's not sleeping as well. i'm sure the molars are hurting him and his head is always a bit hot when he's crying. poor guy.

otherwise J is doing well. he understands EVERYTHING and likes to repeat whatever we say or do. he obviously puts his spin on the words but the idea is there. He is (to me) the most adorable child ever and the light of my life. He likes to show me what new things he did during the day when i come home and if it isn't a coloring or painting job, he will show off his new balloon (from nanny) or something new he learned. i hate leaving him in the mornings though. he follows me around the house while i get ready and then walks me to the door. he then watches me from the bay window until my car leaves. i try to always roll down the window and wave until i can't see him anymore no matter how cold the mornings are so he knows that i'm waving. breaks my heart when he wants to come with me and can't.

so anyways, back to the main topic.. emotionally i'm a little more sad this time around. I'm not as excited about getting ready for a baby despite it being a girl becuase we have pretty much everything expect a few things. I'm also worried about how i will be able to take care of 2 children and wondering if i will ever sleep again or if I'll be able to lose all the weight. my goal is to lose ALL The weight plus a little more by 6 months. we'll see if i meet the goal. maybe i'm just hormonal and that is why I'm so down. maybe it's work.

okay enough venting. i'll end this post with some pictures of J.
playing with my laptop.

at the playground